You Was Too Damn Slow, Bitch
by Sassy Kames
Summary: Sassy!Kendall sassing some flight attendants on his way home to Minnesota where his mother and sister are waiting for him to see his father after he bailed on them for several years. If you squint, there is a little teeny tiny moment of angst. Slight Halston bashing so if you no like, you no read. :P


**A/N **This has got to be the crappiest thing I've written, yet I'm posting it anyways. And I know that I whined and shit about all my stories being one shots and yet, here I am posting another one. My brain just works weirdly, I dunno. Whatever. I am working on a story though. It's called The Hard Road We Call Love. So much angst. I mean, that's what I'm hoping for. :D okaaay, try to enjoy this shitty one shot, lol.

p.s: Stand up comedy is my favorite thing in the world, like for real. Wanda Sykes, Bernie Mac, Eddie Murphy, Cedric the Entertainer, the list goes oooon. Angelah Johnson is a half Latina, half american comedian who inspired this one shot. Some of the things Kendall's says I used from her. Seriously, go check her out. She's hysterical.

p.p.s: SORRY for this long ass note but to all the Halston lovers: It says clear as the day in the summary that there is slight bashing her in this soooo, long story short, if you bitch about it to me, I will not hesitate to bitch right on back.

Other than that, hope you like. :3

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**You Was Too Slow, Bitch**

"Sir, you need to-"

Kendall cut off the flight attendant. "Don't 'sir' me, Freckles. Like, do I look like I'm 100 years old? No."

James gently slapped his cranky boyfriend's thigh and smiled apologetically at the stunned and slightly angry woman whose face was smothered in orange freckles.

"Sorry, he's really not like this."

"...that's okay. Have him turn off his cell phone-"

"Scuse you, but I'm right here." Kendall butt in. The woman's eye twitched and she whirled around on her toes in a huff as she walked away.

"Kendall, baby, you need to tone down your attitude." James warned with a sigh as he stared at his blonde. Who pouted. And smacked his lips together.

"I ain't gotta an attitude Jamie, _she _did." the blonde male said and James rolled his eyes and chewed slowly on his cinnamon flavored gum.

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but you're the queen of attitude city. Just... watch what you say-"

"Hello. My name is Halston and I was just notified about a little pest- I mean problem. Is there anything I can do?" a beautiful blonde was standing in the aisle next to Kendall's seat. Both males looked up at her, Kendall's face immediately showing distate and he turned his attention back to his phone.

"No, there's none here." James replied, voice smooth and soft. Kendall glanced up at his boyfriend to see him smiling almost flirtatiously at the other blonde. Kendall's phone was immediately forgotten when he noticed the same smile on the girl's face.

"Ahem." Kendall cleared his throat and glared up at the girl. "He said there's no problem, _Holly_, so you can be on your way."

"It's Halston and your phone-" Halston started but Kendall glowered up at her.

"That wasn't a suggestion, bitch. Bye." with that the blonde -the cranky and annoyed one- flipped his head and captured his boyfriend's mouth in a heated, passionate kiss. It happened so fast, the kiss. Sloppy and wet and too short for James to even blink. Kendall pulled back, James' gum in between in his teeth.

"You took my gum." the pretty boy said and Kendall nodded, flopping himself backwards in his seat.

"Yep. Now Hannah, is there a reason why you're still here?" the blonde male asked the blushing girl who had just witnessed a filthy four second kiss.

"U-uh, it's _Halston _and you need to turn your phone off so we can get in the air." she stammered and Kendall groaned.

"Fiiiiine, if it'll make all you bitching bitches shut the fuck off and lay off my dick, then fiiiiiiiine." the blonde huffed and growled softly as he turned off his phone before waving it in front of Halston's face with a fake smile. "Happy now? Good. Bye."

The girl glanced at James who grimaced in slight sympathy before taking her leave.

"Finally." Kendall snapped before yelping when a hand slapped his thigh. "Ow!"

"These people have feelings, Kendall! You can't just say what you want to say-" James scolded but Kendall interrupted him.

"Um, I can say whatever the hell I want to say."

"True, but why must all the stuff you say be ridiculously rude?" James groaned before sitting back in his seat. "You really need to-"

"Tone it down, yeah yeah, I know." the blonde male rolled his eyes before closing them and leaning his head down on James' shoulder. "I guess I'm just edgy... I mean, we're going back to Minnesota and that's great but like, my mom accepted my dad back after he walked out on us and I just don't know how to cope with that. I love my mother to pieces, but I think this has been the most stupidest decision she has ever made." Kendall sighed before looking up at his boyfriend with large emerald eyes.

"I just don't want her to have her heart ripped out of her again, you know? And what about Katie? How's she going to handle all of this? I just don't want to accept him back that easily." another harsh sigh. "I guess I'm just... scared." Kendall muttered that last word with a blushing face.

"I know this is going to take awhile to sink in but baby... this is Mama Knight. Your mother. She's a strong and smart woman. She knows what she's doing. Knows what's on the line. You're just going to have to trust her. In the meantime, how about you do what you just did; talk about your feelings to me instead of lashing out on people." James tilted his boyfriend's chin back and kissed him softly.

Kendall's eyes fluttered shut and he let out a small whimper when James' tongue came out to lap on his bottom lip. He parted for the tongue and moaned, clutching James' shirt as his tongue mapped out every inch of his sensitive spots. James pulled away half smirking.

"Wha?" Kendall mumbled, still on a slight high from their kiss.

"Got my gum back." the brunette chuckled at the grimace Kendall gave him and pulled him into a hug. Well, as good as a hug gets when you're strapped into an airplane seat.

They sat there waiting for their plane to take flight, Kendall getting restless by the second.

"I just want them to go now, oh my god. Trying to get to Minnesota here and they're taking their damn time. I need to check on my mom, make sure she's okay. God, Gustavo only gave us a couple of days, we're getting behind schedule already! I won't be able to spend time with my mom or-"

"Kendall!" James shook said boy's shoulder until he looked at him. James grasped Kendall's face when he did. "Calm. Down. Breathe a little." Kendall did, eyes on the older boy the whole time. "Everything is going to be fine, okay?"

"But-"

"Trust me, baby. Okay?"

Kendall nodded finally and closed his eyes. "Okay." he murmured before smiling when he felt a soft pair of lips connect to his. James hummed as he pulled away minutes later, taking in the beautiful sight that was his boyfriend. Blonde hair, flushed face doned with a bushy set of eye brows, a cute nose, doe like eyes shaded in the most gorgeous green color, slightly pouty lips that were puffy, slicked with saliva and red.

"I love you, you know that?"

"I-" Kendall started but was cut off by the plane's intercom. The voice of Halston came on unclear. She seemed to be trying to explain the regulations but it was too fuzzy. Then other voices were heard for a couple seconds before they shut it off. It was five minutes later when the residents on the plane hadn't heard from the flight attendant.

Kendall groaned and unhooked his seat belt. "These bitches are taken too long, damn." he grumbled and stood up.

"Where're you going?" James asked, going on alert.

"Where the fuck do you think?" Kendall grumped and confidently marched himself to the front of the plan, pushing down a man who was in his way on the way. James watched as his blonde disappeared behind the curtains to the flight attendant's station and groaned.

He'd give Kendall a minute and if his cute little sassy ass wasn't back in his seat, then he'd go get him.

There was no need to, though because the intercom came kshing to life and the voice of his boyfriend flooded the airplane.

"Ay. Ay." _ksh _"I said aaaaayyy."

"Oh god..." James muttered. He craned his neck forward and saw Kendall standing by the machine, holding the small device in his hand.

"What's uuup- bitch, move!" there was a sound of a slapping noise on the intercom before Kendall's voice came back. "Sorry 'bout that. My name is Kendall, and I'll be your flight attendant since some people don't know how to do it."

"Anyways, just a few rules of my own. Don't nobody be acting funny is one. Yeah bitches, I can speak ghetto. What. Damn, quit interrupting me. Anyways, ya'll on a plane flight. So don't get crazy." the blonde's voice dropped into a deep growl that James found kind of hot.

"Who the hell is gay boy and what on earth is he doing?"

Kendall's sharp eyes glared at the old man sitting in the second to front row seats, talking to his wife. "Um, sir. Excuse me sir." Kendall waved his hand in front him to get the man's attention. "You don't see me going over my regumelations sir?" the man kept talking to his wife, too deaf to hear Kendall who was getting more and more annoyed.

"You just gone go head and interrupt?" he asked, voice holding a sassy tone. The man kept on talking. Kendall held up his index finger. "Rude."

James face palmed.

"Dude, he's deaf, can't you see that-" some other guy tried but Kendall shook his head.

"Um, don't talk to me, sir."

"Excuse me-"

"Don't talk back to me, sir. Don't talk back to me, sir." Kendall sassed as the guy tried talking over him. "Sir, you think you can talk back, sir?" Kendall's voice went into a cute squeak as he glared at the speaker. "You think so, sir? Heh hah, _**no**_." Kendall growled before snapping his fingers and yelled, "Securiteh!"

James groaned.

"Securetay!" Kendall pronounced before glaring at the man who had a 'wtf' expression on his face. "This dude need to go. Need to go. BYE! Bye- what the fuck do you mean you don't have security?"

An older flight attendent had just informed Kendall that they didn't hold security on the flights.

"Ugh, whatever. Anyway, don't nobody else get crazy. Cuz I will cut you." Kendall glared at everyone gawking at him.

"Okay, that's it." James started to unbuckle his seat belt.

Kendall grabbed an example steat belt and held it up high in the air. "And don't make me have to teach how to put on your own seat belt." he waved it around before stopping and jutting his hip out. "Ya'll need to know how to put on your own **seat belt**."

James stood up and wiggled out onto the aisle as Kendall continued.

"If ya'll cannot click this right here-" he waved the buckle. "-Into this here-" he waved the the other part. -I will bust you up side the head with this buckle." the blonde paused to glare at the whole plane of people staring at him before swallowing a squeak when he saw James storming toward him.

"Don't play." he started, quickly ending his... um, speech. "Don't play, don't play, don't play, don't play." he did a little dance with his hips before smiling broadly at his boyfriend who finally was in front of him. "Um, this has been your flight attendant. Yep. Everyone enjoy the flight. And-" _ksh._

Kendall dropped the small device and pulled his angry looking boyfriend into a sweet, innocent kiss. "I didn't get a chance to say this before we were rudely interrupted but I love you too, Jamie." the blonde smiled sweetly. "Are you mad at me?" he gave his best pout and made his eyes go big and moist.

"Yes." James growled and frowned down at the pouting blonde. Not for long though since Kendall looked too damn cute to be mad at and dropped his frown with a groan. "No." Kendall giggled and kissed James again who returned it.

"Um, excuse you!" Kendall groaned and pulled away from his boyfriend to glare at the flight attendants behind him. "What you just did-"

The blonde didn't give Halston a chance and snapped, "It's all your fault. You was too damn slow, bitch. Too. Damn. Slow. And you was hitting on my boyfriend. That's the girl code 197, bitch. You just don't do it. Bai." Kendall grabbed James' hand and lead him back to their seats with a huff and air of a sassy attitude, leaving the flight attendants muttering how Kendall wasn't a girl.

But sure as hell acting like one sometimes. Feisty, ghetto, everything.


End file.
